So much has happened since the last international women’s day when I could without shame, prejudice or second thoughts call myself a FEMINIST.
The other day (a while back in 2017 actually) I read “Dear Ijeawele OR A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Yes that’s the
very long name of the book, I didn’t add the “OR”. 😂
Reading this book gave me a deeper insight to what Feminism truly is and what TRUE EQUALITY will cost us and I can say it brought about a change of mindset.
Maybe I might have agreed to some of the suggestions she raised in her book if I wasn’t first of all a CHRISTIAN before being anything else.
To be very honest I’m not sure I can boldly wear the FEMINIST tag and even many of us cannot wear the tag because in between the clamor for equality we still cannot sear the gender role thing completely. For example the other I did and Instagram poll (I do alot of polls these days I should probably pursue a career with INEC 🤔) and asked if women should propose marriage or ask a man she fancies to date her (the way men do with women) and the result was FUNNY.
Maybe there are no true feminists? 😂 because according to Chimamanda you’re NOT a feminist if you cannot propose marriage as a female and if:
- You believe the father of a child is doing the mother a favour by changing the baby’s diaper or babysitting the baby. In Chimamanda’s words “Please reject the language of HELP, Chudi (Ijeawele’s husband) is not helping you by caring for his child. He is doing WHAT HE SHOULD. When we say fathers are helping we are suggesting that child care is a mother’s territory, into which fathers valiantly venture. It is not… Chudi does not deserve any praise or special gratitude-neither do you, you both made the choice to bring a child into this world”
- You still believe certain housechores are for certain genders. Chimamanda believes a girl doesn’t have to sweep because she is a girl or even COOK because cooking like every other house chore is learned and “does not come pre-installed in a vagina” So this means if you’re a feminist you do not get to reject any house chore because you’re a female, e.g in my house the boys wash the cars and the girls do more “internal” chores, although any one can sweep and wash the dishes but ONLY the males wash the cars. So if we push through with this equality thing, will you be fine with washing the cars if your brothers are available and refuse to wash the cars but they tell you afterall we are equals? 😏
- You are what she calls a Feminist Lite. You either believe in the EQUALITY of men and women or you do not believe at all. There’s no such thing as “He’s the head, I’m the neck”or “He’s driving and you’re in the front seat”. This means Chimamanda is saying there’s no such thing as the man is the Head of the home or “in the home a man is the head but in the workplace the head is the head”.
- You believe women should cover up so as not to be objectified by men or in her words so as to protect men or you’re one of those who ask “what was she wearing” when you hear of a rape situation. In other words, Chimamanda is saying women should be free in appearance (and dress however they want so far it makes them happy) and free in sexuality (sleep with anyone you want to, the society should not call you slut for this, afterall men do it). In her precise words “many cultures and religions
(shots fired)control women’s bodies in one way or another. If the justification for controlling women’s bodies were about women themselves, then it would be understandable. If for example the reason women should not wear short skirt is because they can get cancer instead the reason is usually not about women its about men and protecting them. I find this dehumanizing because it reduces women to mere props to manage the apetites of men… Don’t link sexuality with shame, don’t make virginity a focus …”
I could go on and on but by now you already know if you’re a feminist or not. 😂
While I agree with some of her suggestions (most actually) and I crave for a world where women are given equal opportunities as a man, a society that doesn’t deem me successful only because “at least I could keep a marriage”, a society that doesn’t remind me of my gender simply to make me shut up or make me understand my place and a society that doesn’t call me “too opinionated for a woman” or “too aggressive and confident for a woman”; I recognize that my husband is the head of the home and I honestly would leave some things for a man to do (e.g killing a rat 🤣) . I also believe that as a woman what I choose to expose on my body can cause a man to lust after me, not that I justify him raping a woman but I’m talking about sin here; but if Chimamanda thinks I am protecting the man, then so be it.
So on this international women’s day, I do not ignore the unfair treatment given to women especially when it comes to morality but I will say maybe I’m not a true FEMINIST afterall (feminist Lite maybe?😂) but I am certain I am a Christian first before anything else. I should be led by the spirit, driven by love and motivated by faith. This will help me treat anyone right whether they are male or female. I believe if everyone allowed the spirit’s leading and are driven by love and motivated by faith just maybe the world would be a better place.
I hope we can all press for progress for a world where men themselves do not feel pressured to do anything simply because they’re “MEN” (Its sad that men are constantly pressured to “provide” and women say my money is my money, his money is our money, yet two have become one?! Smh!) I hope we can all press for a progressive world where a girl child or a boy child can dream BIG dreams and not feel their dreams are too big, a world where nobody engages in any form of domestic violence whether it is male to female or female to male, a world where roles are given based on capabilities and interest and not based on gender. Most of all I hope for a world where everyone knows and understands their true identity in Christ; maybe then we wouldn’t need the FEMINIST label anymore?
So you tell me. Are you still a feminist?
Love x Light.
“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” Galatians 3:28-29