When pain comes | Dear Amina

This is a letter to every person going through pain and grief from losing a loved one.

Dear Amina,

I’m so sorry.

I know you’re sad and torn apart. I know you are particularly confused.

I’m confused too and sad and I promise I’m not just saying it just to console you.

I’m very sad.

I’m sad especially because I prayed, I prayed so much and I clearly thought I saw God heal her. Yes. I did. I saw God heal your Mom in one of my many visions in response to my prayer when you told me about her sickness.

I can’t even believe she still died.

I’m so confused.

I’m so sorry I gave you false hope.

I’m so sorry I told you to just rest and believe; that she would come around, that she would be fine.

I’m sorry but that was all I knew to say at that time. I have learnt to totally rely on the father and I’m so sorry I tried to make you see things like I did.

But that’s all I know to do. To trust. Worrying does me no good, because I’m helpless without him. So I learnt to just trust.

I’m really sorry you’re hurt.

I know you’re hurting and all you can feel is grief at the moment. I feel the same. I understand the pang death brings. I know you think it’s easy for me to say.

Afterall I didn’t lose my Mom…

but I’m talking from a familiar place…

I remember when I lost my sister, Bolanle, I was torn apart and I felt the sting in my bones. Especially because I was in no way prepared for her death, one day we were smiling at each other all happy and normal and in good health and another day she was gone for good.

Dead.

I actually watched her die…

When I saw you on Saturday I suddenly didn’t have the words, the words left me so fast like air leaves a punctured balloon. It’s funny that I rehearsed the words before coming to your house but your countenance changed everything.

So I’m writing you instead and even now. I don’t have words and usually I always have words.

But I don’t even know what to say that would ease your grief. I don’t know the right things to say to make your pain leave you.

Maybe we should talk about happy times?

Like when you won the best graduating student in secondary school. Or like when you fell in love with Emeka and you wouldn’t stop talking about him.

I think your happiest moment was when, one evening you called me screaming and full of joy. I didn’t hear anything you said but “I’m born again. I’m saved” That gave me so much joy because I had bn praying for it.

I was so happy you were now aware of your inheritance in Christ even though I was particularly concerned about some of what you had been taught in that hippy church but I was just happy about the primary fact that you were saved even though the foundation was kind of shaky.

Maybe I should have set it straight then.

I’m sorry they didn’t prepare you for pain. And that when not if, pain comes you should keep looking unto one person. I’m sorry they only told you the gospel was a riches creation scheme. I’m sorry they didn’t tell you life has ups and downs and about demons and principalities.

But that’s not justification for your Mom’s death. Whatever happens in life, God is aware of it. Trust me. And I might not have the right consoling words but you should know God sees the end from the beginning.

I just want you to know I share in your grief

The right thing to say is that I will always be here for you anytime you want to talk and anytime you need someone ❤️

But that would not be entirely true, because sometimes my battery would be low or I’ll be stuck in traffic and not be able to talk to you. Sometimes I’ll be sad and tired and in a bad mood and that would still make me unavailable to talk or reply your whatsapp message.

But one person is certain to respond and understand all your grief even without you saying any word. His battery is never low and he’s never in traffic. You already know him you just haven’t come to this knowledge that there would be sad moments but there is always someone in the midst of the storm.

His name is Jesus. ❤️

With Love,

Fadekemi. x

12 thoughts on “When pain comes | Dear Amina

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