Let me tell you a quick story about forgiveness,
I recently had an issue with someone, where I screamed out loud and said words to the person because I was hurt, pissed and disappointed. (Haven’t we all had such issues?)
I felt wrong about my outburst, after I had said all I had to say though, because Abba reminded me love does not behave itself unseemly. So I chose forgiveness because Abba would want that.
And any time I see this person I make it a duty to just say hi and move on, even if the person does not respond, but I do not stop by to have a conversation like I used to do before the “issue”, and I thought that meant forgiveness, so far I wasn’t keeping malice
But Abba still told me “you have to forgive this person”
And then we had a conversation…
Abba said “What you have done is not forgiveness”
I didn’t get it.
“What do you mean? What is forgiveness?”
“Forgiveness is forgetting”
“But I cannot forget. That is not possible. Is it possible to forgive and forget? People say we should forgive but not forget so that the person will not do it again and hurt us again. People have also said you can forgive and still keep your distance and that’s what I’m doing.”
“Who are these people?”
“err… people as in people”
“Whose side are you on? Whose report will you believe? Are you now of the world? Do you now listen to the world? Do you now live by the world’s standards?”
And I took this lesson that day;
That the world tells you “forgive and forget” because they think they are separate from each other. But forgiving is forgetting and they are not independent of each other.
Of course, this does not mean you will automatically not remember what this person did to you as a victim, obviously you will because you do not have amnesia.
By forgetting it means you do not treat the person based on the issue afterwards. When you see the person and you don’t feel that hurt or disappointment anymore, that’s what forgetting means.
Love does not remember wrongs done against it 1 Cor 13:5
(It’s not that love does not want to remember, love chooses not to remember)
Forgiveness is a conscious decision and choice to forget.
Just like how our Father forgives us and old things pass away and all things become new when we believe (2 Corinthians 5:17), that’s how forgiveness works. You don’t act or speak based on that fight or issue anymore. So if you had a particular relationship with that person before, it’s expected that we resume that relationship with the person.
Forgiveness is to give the person a clean slate.
Because God does the same.
“And I will forgive the wrongs they have done and I will not remember their sins.” Hebrews 8:12
All through the scriptures there is nothing like “Forgive and Forget” because it’s expected that the word FORGIVE encompasses the whole thing.
Although there are definitely some kinds of issues where you might not be required to still maintain the relationship but God is always looking out for us if we completely yield to him, so if you’re in a relationship with say the opposite sex and that person does something so hurtful, be sure you’re really doing the will of the Father by being in that relationship. If you are sure then you have to forgive no matter how painful it is, because Abba is never wrong.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
It’s really hard though, lol, but this is God’s standard concerning forgiveness. And the whole point of being a Christian is to be like Christ right?
So forgiveness is not saying delete the memory of what happened, which is not even possible, forgiveness allows us learn from the experience and understand people for who they are and accommodate them but to truly forgive, we treat the person as though the issue never happened.
A Christian who is not willing to forgive will find his fellowship with God strained.
To forgive is to choose to forget.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, the same as God forgave you through Christ” Ephesians 4:32