On Feminism: “I think I was Scared”

In the beginning I refused to be called a feminist even though it was a lie, I am indeed a feminist. But why wouldn’t I be?


I think I was scared.

I was scared of been labelled angry or lonely or stubborn. Maybe I was scared the society would be angry at me for choosing to support the side I belong to. Maybe I was scared I wouldn’t find a husband. Maybe I was just trying to play safe and be on everybody’s side. Maybe I was scared the society would remind me that I am a Christian woman that should worship the man because that is how they have interpreted the Holy Book. Maybe I was scared of what the social media would say. Maybe I just didn’t care about it. But what kind of person would that make me?  There are a lot of maybes really.

The point is now I can say I am a feminist. And I can say it hasn’t made me angry or hurt or lonely. It doesn’t make me have horns and capes. It doesn’t mean I don’t smile at men anymore. It doesn’t mean I don’t still ask for help when I need help carrying something that is too heavy for my delicate hands. It doesn’t mean I don’t cook anymore. It definitely does not change anything about my relationship with God neither would it change my relationship with my husband (because of course feminists get married too)

This is what feminism means to me:

According to Wikipedia Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social rights for women that are equal to those of men. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.

Feminism is seeing something wrong with how women are generally treated badly both in the society and in the home and speaking up against it.

This is where a lot of people get it wrong. The social media gets mad at you for calling yourself a feminist, they call you angry.

They say you will never find a man with this attitude.

You cannot even keep a man even if you find one.

Contrary to popular opinion, Feminism is not trying to get all into a position of dominance over all men, but rather to address inequality by empowering women.

Why is the society so afraid of empowering women?

Are they afraid of what a woman can be when she can speak up and fight for herself? Are they are afraid of the power a woman can carry when she’s determined to rise?


Maybe that is why they want to shut her down. Tell her she was created to please a man. Tell her she cannot have a life of her own. Tell her she cannot be educated. Tell her all sorts of lies.

No. A woman was NOT created to please a man. A wife was created to please her husband and vice versa.

No. The man is not the head of a woman. The HUSBAND is the head of his home. HIS OWN HOME. Not the default head of a society or club or class or organization. HIS OWN HOME.

Who cares if you want to marry a woman that cannot cook or a woman that cannot pray? That’s on you. Feminism is much bigger than that.

These are my favourite quotes from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TEDx talk, We Should All Be Feminists.

“Some people ask: “Why the word feminist? Why not just say you are a believer in human rights, or something like that?” Because that would be dishonest. Feminism is, of course, part of human rights in general—but to choose to use the vague expression human rights is to deny the specific and particular problem of gender. It would be a way of pretending that it was not women who have, for centuries, been excluded. It would be a way of denying that the problem of gender targets women.

We spend too much time teaching girls to worry about what boys think of them. But the reverse is not the case. We don’t teach boys to care about being likable. All over the world, there are so many magazine articles and books telling women what to do, how to be and not to be, in order to attract or please men. There are far fewer guides for men about pleasing women.

Now, imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations. Boys and girls are undeniably different, biologically. But socialization exaggerates the differences, and then it becomes a self-fulfilling process.

Now take cooking for example. Today, women in general are more likely to do the housework than men, the cooking and cleaning. But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene? Or because over the years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? Actually, I was going to say that maybe women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of the famous cooks in the world who we give the fancy title of “chefs,” are men.”
“My own definition of a feminist is a man or a woman who says, yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better. All of us, women and men, must do better.

And this is how to start: We must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently. ”

― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, We Should All Be Feminists

Watch full video here



8 thoughts on “On Feminism: “I think I was Scared”

  1. The bane of our society is the replacement of Absolutes with Moral Relatives. Christianity is full of Absolutes hence is unchanging. However, Feminism is full of moral relatives. pitching your tent with feminists whose core values are continually changing will definitely end up in disaster as both your thoughts will be unparallel.
    That’s why I said you could change the name tag.

    P.S. I just tried to answer the second paragraph of your reply.


  2. Nice thoughts. While I support equality for both men and women in the Society. I’m of the opinion that mainstream ‘Feminism’ will outgrow the Christian roots and expound some radical views which are antithetical to everything we stand for as Christian. This doesn’t mean they won’t bear some good fruits but I’ll rather we classify ourselves as Christian Feminist. See this post by Washington post

    Would you rather be tagged as a feminist in this regards?


    1. Hi Biodun,

      Lol, No. I would not. But then again. A lot of Christians have done things that are unworthy should that make me stop being a Christian? I guess not.

      Maybe I should become a “Christian Feminist” as you stated. Haha. That sounds good.

      Thanks for reading. May God give us understanding.


  3. lol. Fadeke the Feminist. I actually replied your comment to that old post here.

    You’ve actually spoken well and it’s good to be a voice to the voiceless, it’s good to stand up for what we believe in. Saying nothing is the same as agreeing with the other side so I don’t like being ‘politically’ correct. My own problem with the thing is when Feminism is defined as something other than what it should be. I really wish there was a way I could explain this better but it’s fine. It’s why I asked that Love is the only way to approach a matter like this. Women were being illtreated because guess what? It’s the world we live in. It’s a world that chooses to disobey God and take matters into their own hands. The nature of man degenerates outside Jesus.

    It’s a world that seeks to pervert a beautiful thing and where people fail at this thing is when they take it to the extreme or approach it in a way that doesn’t ease anything but goes in a cycle. Feminism isn’t tweeting and hurling things at each other. Many of these people who claim feminism wouldn’t do anything if something beside them happened that required attention and are bent on repeating what the chauvinists do. That’s what I’m pointing to.

    It’s easy to speak, but I’m all for doing. I would do and don’t even need to toot my horn about all I’ve done for the girl child being equally treated as a boy child. I can come out and state my stand the way I would express why all men need Jesus irrespective of religion. But the main thing is ‘DOING’
    Even Jesus said if we hear the word and don’t do, then we are like the man beholding ourselves in the mirror and forgetting the kind of person we are.

    All may fail but Love never fails. It’s why I made reference to the Salma movie. Maybe you should check it out if you haven’t. So, I don’t have any issues with the dictonary meaning of feminism, my problem is with a Feminism built by a culture that has rejected God in the first place. It’s also bound to be flawed. This isn’t the first thing they’ll pervert and so I will rather allow God lead me instead.

    Thanks for stopping by the blog. It is appreciated.
    P.S: I didn’t know I would write this long. I apologise. Much love. xo!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lool Itunu. This is another blog post on its own.

      I understand you, trust me. I think you are a feminist. You just don’t like the name. (Haha)

      And yes I saw your reply on the old post. I think I forgot to reply.
      Btw. I still think you should read Numbers 27:3-12 again and understand why I think its biblical to be a feminist. You don’t have to put the man down. The sisters didn’t condemn their uncles. They just said the rule to give only men inheritance was “not so nice on them” so they stood up for themselves and in the process other women.
      “Why should the name of our father be taken away from among his family, because he had no son? Give unto us a possession among the brethren of our father. And Moses brought their cause before Jehovah. (‭Numbers‬ ‭27‬:‭4-5‬)”

      Then see what God said:
      “And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a man die, and have no son, then ye shall cause his inheritance to pass unto his daughter. And if he have no daughter, then ye shall give his inheritance unto his brethren. (‭Numbers‬ ‭27‬:‭8-9‬)”
      Now women can get inheritance!! In this little act of theirs they acted as feminists without knowing.

      Thats the same thing Chimamanda was saying in her tedx talk “we should all be feminist” that her grandmother was a feminist without knowing she was.

      So yes. Love is really the best thing (if not only) we can preach when it comes to this feminism talk as christians because really if everyone had love in their hearts then we wouldn’t even have these issues in the first place.

      But we have to change the mindset of our generation because in the real sense even people that have love in their hearts still haven’t unlearned the process of equality of sexes.
      Take for example, my 11 year old brother telling me he isnt going to touch any dishes or cook for his wife because its a woman’s job. Even though now. He does the dishes and sometimes cooks rice and assist my 14 year old sister in the kitchen. But who gave him this mindset ? The society.
      See what I mean ?

      Thank you for dropping by my blog. I really appreciate it. We really should stop having only feminism conversations. Lol.
      Your blog is amazing, thank you for touching lives in your own way. 💜


  4. I love that recently it’s easier to find voices like yours that show beeing feminist as not so scary and bizzare thing its important to state that. Also big congratulations for writing it in such a great way.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hello, Fadeke, indeed, the word sounds extreme. However, we need to be a voice for the voiceless, and we need to empower those cannot do it for themselves, and the only way to do that is to be a feminist.
    Thank you for this piece!!

    Liked by 1 person

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