WHAT IF I DONT WANT TO GET MARRIED?

“no, not another marriage talk! What if I decide I don’t want to ever get married sef?” Modupe said

“ehn? God forbid! Modupe! You don’t know the angel that’s passing, stop saying nonsense with this your mouth, my own first daughter will not marry ke?” Her mum replied

“Was I brought into this world just to come and marry?”

Good Question! Ask yourself “Was I brought into this world just to come and marry?” “Is my only goal in life marriage?” “will I stay in a bad relationship just because we’re engaged?” “am I in a relationship because I don’t want to be alone?” if you answered yes to these questions then congratulations you just played yourself today’s post is not for you. But if you answered no, then let’s gist.

Do you know Modupe is not the only girl that is constantly pressured to get married? Oh you too? Well, the story is basically the same everywhere (especially for Yoruba girls). Your family is pressuring you, the society is pressuring you, people are dropping annoying comments here and there, ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE GETTING MARRIED and even the wedding photos (that is not supposed to concern you) from bellanaija are adding salt to your injury. My dear, don’t let bellanaija give you hypertension, if Jesus tarries, the world won’t run out of Saturdays.

Why do I want to get married? Is another question you should ask yourself. The other day I asked someone why he got married; he said he got married because he wanted children. Then I asked him why he had not left his wife since he now had children, he said he needed someone to take care of the children. So basically, his wife was just there to take care of his children. Funny but 90% of us get married for the same reason. No wonder there are a lot of bad marriages nowadays, people are getting married for all the wrong reasons. What is the right reason to get married? Companionship or childbearing? Genesis 2:18 has the perfect answer.

Our parents (mothers!) are not helping matters too, they tell boys to “work well” after school before thinking of marriage but expect girls to get married immediately after school. If our boys are busy “working well” how do the girls get the husbands?
People tell you all sorts of things because you’re an un-married girl, Don’t buy a car even if you can afford it, so men (BOYS if you ask me) won’t be scared to approach you; Don’t live on your own so you don’t seem wayward (Remind me to get the-unmarried-girl manual). Why shouldn’t I own a car because I want to feed a man’s ego? Anytime an un-married girl gets in a fight/argument the next thing you’ll hear is “better go and look for a man in your life. If you’re one of those guys that say things like that. Shame on you. I’m tired of this society that give women limits yet gives the man boundless opportunities. Let me not even go into the gender injustice gist.

Moving on.

One time, I was telling my mum my friend was having a dinner for her birthday and next thing my mum said was “she already has someone she wants to marry shey?” I was dazed. I’m like, what does having someone to marry have to do with celebrating your birthday? *blank stare*
“..The story is basically the same everywhere..”

Nobody even asks for your own goals and aspirations, they just believe you should find space for marriage because it’s supposed to be a woman’s ultimate goal. You want to get a master’s degree? Sure but hope you’re thinking of marriage sha? You want to travel abroad? Why not wait and get married first or at least have someone here? You want to pursue your career? Ehn career is good oh but husband is important too. You don’t have a job yet? Ehn what about husband, at least find husband? This your job that you always come back late, how will you find a man? You want to get a PHD? When you’re not married?
What if you don’t want to get married? What if you don’t want anybody all up in your space? Nobody asks you these questions. I know gal, I feel your pain.

Apostle paul said in 1cor 7:8-9 “to the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is well for them to REMAIN SINGLE AS I DO. But if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry” So there you have it from the apostle himself, marriage is not by force oh. It does not even guarantee heaven and anything that does not guarantee heaven does not deserve to get you worked up! (See why I love the bible, it’s the number one life manual)

Okay ,you’re almost 40, in your late 30’s, in your late 20’s, I know it’s hard for you, maybe you genuinely want to get married but don’t let the pressure get to you that you end up with the wrong man, until you find your “the One” don’t rush. If you rush into marriage, be very certain you will rush out.

I’m a huge supporter of marriage as I hope to get married soon. BUT I WILL NOT BE PRESSURED INTO MARRYING THE WRONG PERSON. Repeat after me. I WILL NOT BE PRESSURED INTO MARRYING THE WRONG PERSON. MARRIAGE IS NOT MY ONLY GOAL IN LIFE. Say it 3 times daily and you will feel much better.

Stay strong Queen, you’re powerful.

“modupe so you want to wait till your sister gets married before you, then you’ll realize you’re due for marriage? Please I want grandchildren”
“SO WHAT, IF MY SISTER GETS MARRIED BEFORE ME?”

15 thoughts on “WHAT IF I DONT WANT TO GET MARRIED?

  1. lol
    Ask yourself “Was I brought into this world just to come and marry?” “Is my only goal in life marriage?” “will I stay in a bad relationship just because we’re engaged?” “am I in a relationship because I don’t want to be alone?” if you answered yes to these questions then congratulations you just played yourself today’s post is not for you. But if you answered no, then let’s gist.

    I don’t know if I’m the only one that finds this funny and how it feels as if you’re fighting with someone. Hehe but you’re right. It’s sad our culture has made marriage like an accomplishment and tends to stigmatise a single woman who refuses to budge or get bitten by the marriage pressure bug.
    God has been teaching me lots of lessons in love and one of them is trying to understand where the person in question is coming from. A man can only speak within a sphere of his understanding of things. You can’t go beyond that and herein lies the problem. The more people are made aware of this through knowledge and understanding, the more more women will begin to recognise that no man can be our all. Even for some guys too, as I got a comment on my facebook page from a guy facing a similar dilemma. Lool. it is well.
    This was an interesting read.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Fadeke,

    Lol @ “bellanaija are adding salt to your injury”

    Marriage will always be a relevant topic, we haven’t quite cracked the seemingly elusive formula for what makes it work given any combination of man and woman. We keep tweaking it as we go along. 😀

    Society has a somewhat flawed belief that a person is defective outside marriage. it’s this need to fulfil societal expectations that has caused some to make regretful choices.

    The way I see it, with a compatible partner, marriage is a good idea but otherwise, it serves no purpose, really.

    Like

  3. Lol funny but true, @fadeke you just spoke my mind. As a female child the society feels marriage should be your priority… Nobody is interested in your future plans and career if marriage isn’t included. #MarryWhenYouAreReadyNotPressured

    Like

  4. Fadeke I like this write up keep it up. Although am not in support of not getting married (unless you are a nun) but I believe it should be on our own terms.

    Like

    1. Hi heych.
      Lol nobody said anything about not getting married (although there are females who do not genuinely want to get married), and if you read thoroughly you’d see that all i’m talking about is the pressures females go through.

      Like

  5. 100% Right.. So many are unhappy in their marriage because of peer and family pressure .. Don’t jeopardize your future because of a man

    Like

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